


All I Want For Christmas...

by SkyeC



Category: The 100, clexa - Fandom
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Eve, Clexa, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-09-11 00:55:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8946718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyeC/pseuds/SkyeC
Summary: Lexa promises her mother she'll make it home for a full blown family Christmas. What Lexa doesn't bank on, is meeting her dream girl at the airport, only to discover said dream girl is already dating her cousin.Clexa Christmas AU





	1. Christmas Eve

Lexa Woods was a smart woman, almost exceptionally so. She had been elected valedictorian for both her high school, and college graduations, she had been president of the Student Council, Speech and Debate club, Math club, and Poetry club, she was head of the National Honor Society, as well as the Gay/Straight Alliance, she partook in Future Business Leaders of America; hell, she hadn’t received anything lower than an A- since second grade, and even then that was a B+, and at the ripe young age of 25 had landed her dream job as a junior book editor for the country’s leading publishing houses, Trikru.

 

So as she stood amongst the throngs of men, women, children, and screaming infants, meandering their way through Polis International Airport, with trolleys overflowing with luggage coming from every direction, Lexa Woods wondered how she had been so stupid as to book her flight, for Christmas Eve.

 

“What can I get you ma’am?”

 

Lexa was shaken from her musings by the friendly barista, whose smile was just a touch too cheerful for 8am.

 

“Just a black coffee to go, please.”

 

“Coming right up! You can pay at the other end of the bar.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

Truth be told, Lexa didn’t travel by plane much, the occasional business trip, but she usually tried to keep her leisure trips within driving distance. She liked to discover new places; try new things, but there were two things she loathed above all else about travelling – the first, was airports. Lexa felt hugely uncomfortable surrounded by large crowds of people, not in the sense of standing in front of huge crowds of people, that, she thrived on, but more like the unrestrained Black Friday mob kind of crowd. And the only thing she hated more than the chaos of an airport, was the actual flying itself. Lexa liked to be in control, and something about being suspended in the air in a giant metal tube, made her extremely uneasy.

 

But still, Lexa had promised her mother she’d make it home in time for Christmas, and with busy deadlines at work, she simply wouldn’t have had the time to drive home this trip.

 

“Coffee, black?” The friendly barista called from the other side of the counter.

 

“Yeah, that’s me” two voices echoed at once.

 

Lexa had taken a step forward to claim her cup, but stalled at the sound of the other voice. Turning slightly to her right, she saw another woman mirroring her stance exactly, equally confused.

 

Lexa took a brief moment to take in the woman, she was shorter than Lexa, though not by much, blonde, and had the most alluring blue eyes Lexa had ever seen. Ever a sucker for a pretty face, the brunette decided then and there that chivalry most certainly wouldn’t be dead for this woman.

 

“Go ahead, you take it.” She insisted.

 

The other woman, for her part looked a little embarrassed. “Oh, no, you take it, I’m pretty sure you were here before me.”

 

Lexa simply shook her head, “No, really, I insist. I’ll get the next one.”

 

The blonde woman hesitated, torn between the appropriate coffee shop etiquette of waiting your turn, and the confused barista who really didn’t care which of the women took the cup of coffee so long as one of them did. The girl cast one more look to Lexa, who nodded in encouragement, before taking the cup from the teen.

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Don’t mention it. That can be my good deed for the day.”

 

The blonde smiled once more at Lexa before walking away.

 

As she reached the exit to the make shift coffee spot, she turned to look over her shoulder; catching Lexa still staring after her, she gave one more dazzling smile before getting lost among the hoards of people.

 

“Here’s your coffee, Miss.” The boy extended a fresh cup towards her, capturing her attention once again. “Merry Christmas.”

 

“You too.” Lexa offered him one last polite smile before heading towards her gate.

 

 

* * *

 

_“Last boarding call for Azgeda Airlines Flight 223.All passengers please report to Gate 6A immediately.”_

 

Lexa glanced at her watch, wondering how this was suddenly the last boarding call? The first boarding call had taken place what could have only been maybe five minutes prior, but nevertheless, she didn’t have time to spare pondering such things. Picking up her pace, she tossed her almost empty coffee cup into a nearby bin.

 

One thing Lexa secretly did enjoy about rushing to her gate on Christmas Eve, pushing her way through stubborn crowds, was that, with the Christmas music crooning ‘I’ll Be Home for Christmas’ faintly overhead, she felt like she was in one of those cheesy holiday movies she’d never admit to loving.

 

She reached her gate feeling slightly perspired, but thankful for all those spinning classes she had been taking for not being out of breath. The airline worker looked her up and down with clear disdain as she handed over her boarding pass.

 

“Lexa Woods?” The girl asked, knowing the answer.

 

Lexa just nodded.

 

“Please continue as fast as possible, the plane is waiting on you. “

 

Lexa was mortified. She prided herself on punctuality and was humiliated at the thought of holding the entire flight up, not to mention the unhappy stares she would likely get from all the people seated, waiting to take off, as she fumbled to get her bag in the overhead bin.

Fortunately for Lexa, the girl, who’s name Lexa had noted from her name tag as, Echo, clearly had a penchant for the dramatics, as when Lexa arrived at the door of the plane, at least ten other passengers were also making their way down the aisles.

 

* * *

 

“Seat number?” the stewardess questioned, tone dripping in boredom, when she set foot inside the aircraft.

 

Clearly, the job criteria for working for this airline didn’t include being charismatic.

 

“30 A”

 

The stewardess simply gestured vaguely to the right hand side of the plane, leaving Lexa to find her seat herself.

 

She stopped short when she arrived at her destination, only to note that someone else was already occupying her place.

 

Lexa cleared her throat, alerting the other passenger of her presence.

 

The woman turned around and Lexa was met with the same stunning blue eyes from earlier, looking back at her curiously. Under the florescent overhead lights, Lexa could now appreciate the way her cerulean eyes sparkled.

 

The other woman offered her a smile, tilting her head slightly to the side, and Lexa realized she hadn’t said anything, in favor of staring.

 

Shaking her head, Lexa found her voice “I uhm, think you’re in my seat.”

 

The other woman examined the open application on Lexa’s phone for verification and immediately donned an apologetic look, standing up and shuffling out into the aisle.

 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I seem to be making a habit of taking your things today. Better keep an eye on me at baggage claim.” She said with a nervous laugh as she scooted to the side to leave Lexa through.

 

The brunette couldn’t help but find the girl’s awkwardness endearing. She was especially cute when she was flustered.

 

“Don’t worry about it. It’s a crazy day to be travelling.”

 

The girl gave Lexa a grateful smile as she took her rightful seat. “Tell me about it. I don’t know why anyone would think flying on Christmas Eve is a good idea.”

 

“Right? I was literally only berating myself over it earlier. Never again.” Lexa stated, a vocal promise to herself and to her flight buddy.

 

“Why did you choose to fly on Christmas Eve?”

 

“I promised my mother I’d be home in time for Christmas with the family, but work commitments held me up so today was the earliest I could travel.”

 

The other woman gave an understanding nod.

 

“What about you…?”

 

“Oh, Clarke.” The woman, Clarke, smiled enthusiastically, extending her hand for Lexa to shake.

 

“Lexa.”

 

“Nice to meet you, Lexa.” Clarke said, holding Lexa’s hand for what was becoming an almost awkward length of time for two strangers on a plane. Not that Lexa was complaining, she’d never complain about holding a pretty girl’s hand, especially one as warm and soft as Clarke’s.

 

It was Lexa who first dropped her eyes to their joined hands, causing Clarke to startle. “Oh. Shit. Sorry.” She apologized yet again, dropping Lexa’s hand, “what were we talking about? Oh! Yeah! Flying on Christmas Eve.”

 

Lexa couldn’t help but chuckle, really was beautiful, her frazzled-ness just adding to her intrigue.

 

“Last minute change of plans. Turns out my mom’s not so big on Christmas this year and made alternative plans she failed to tell me about until Monday. This was the earliest flight I could get on a cancellation to avoid spending Christmas on my own.”

 

Lexa’s heart ached for the girl, unable to fathom how someone’s own mother wouldn’t want to spend Christmas with them.

 

“I’m sorry.” Clarke looked down at her now joined hands. “That’s a bit heavy to lump on a stranger.”

 

“Don’t be.” Lexa shook her head. “Family can really suck sometimes.”

 

“Preach!”

 

* * *

 

Clarke had fallen asleep almost as soon as the flight had taken off, much to Lexa’s disappointment. She had been enjoying their little conversation, but as soon as the safety video came on and distracted Lexa, Clarke had taken the opportunity to place her earphones in and close her eyes.

 

Lexa stared out the window at the clouds passing below, and allowed her mind to drift to the events of the coming days. She loved her family, she really did, but a whole week with them was going to be trying to say the least. She could usually handle a few days with her immediate family pretty well, but the holidays always meant cousins, and overbearing aunts and uncles, and it was a lot for Lexa, who spent most of her time in the pleasure of her own company.

 

She had managed to escape the madness last year, instead spending the holidays in London with her ex; their break up was a topic her extended family was surely going to pounce on the minute they saw her.

 

Lexa rubbed at her temples, already getting a headache at the thought.

 

_“Ladies and gentlemen the captain has turned on the fasten seatbelt sign. Please note that no passenger is to leave their seat until the fasten seatbelt sign has been turned off.”_

A *bing* followed the announcement, and sure enough the fasten seatbelt sign illuminated.

 

Lexa spotted the air-hostess that had greeted her upon arrival, however lackluster, and called out to her.

 

“Yes?” The brunette questioned, not bothering to hide the irritation in her voice.

 

“Yeah, hi,” Lexa looked to the girl’s name tag, “Ontari. What’s going on? Why has the captain switched on the seatbelt sign?”

 

Ontari smirked at the alarm evident in Lexa’s tone, standing up taller, “Relax, it’s just some turbulence.”

 

Surprisingly enough, the patronization of the other woman did nothing at all to calm Lexa, who gripped tighter to the armrests on either side of her.

 

“Wow. Someone didn’t get enough coffee this morning.” Came the groggy voice beside her, as the stewardess continued towards the back of the cabin.

 

Lexa gave Clarke a tight-lipped smile before focusing forward again, pushing her head hard against the headrest.

 

Clarke noticed the change to the brunette’s earlier relaxed demeanor and straightened up, wiping the slight bit of drool that had collected on her chin. Under other circumstances, Lexa may have found this cute, but fear had consumed her and the entirety of her attention right now.

 

“Yeah.” Lexa managed through slow shallow breaths. “Mockery isn’t the product of a strong mind.”

 

This earned an actual laugh from Clarke, which momentarily caused Lexa to forget her inner panic spiral and turn to her head towards the blonde, the ghost of a smile now tugging at the corners of her lips. Lexa rarely tried to be funny, but she’d definitely make more of an effort if it warranted hearing that sound from Clarke again.

 

Just as Lexa was starting to relax a little, the plane jolted and shook violently, and Lexa quickly shut her eyes as tightly as possible, her knuckles turning white at her vice-like grip on the arm rests.

 

“Hey, hey, hey,” Clarke brushed a hand up and down Lexa’s right arm in a soothing motion. “You’re ok, you’re safe.”

 

Another sudden jolt saw Lexa reach her left arm over and grab the arm Clarke had been offering for comfort, linking their fingers together. If it bothered Clarke, she didn’t show it.

 

“Shhhhhh.” She hushed, and if Lexa wasn’t so scared, she’d have laughed at being pacified like a child.

 

Lexa gripped Clarke’s hand and was about to apologize to the girl for squeezing so tight when Clarke spoke first.

 

“I love flying.” Lexa cast a glance at her like she was insane, which earned her another melodic laugh. “Seriously. I love being in the sky. I’ve always dreamed of going to space.”

 

“I hate the idea of space.” Lexa had managed to maintain eye contact, but her words came through gritted teeth.

 

“What?! You’re crazy. Can you imagine the adventure that would be?”

 

“I’m quite content for all my adventures to take place on the ground.”

 

“Ok, answer me this,” Clarke straightens up again in her seat, keeping her hand firmly clasped in Lexa’s, “nuclear apocalypse hits earth, you get a free spot on a ship going to space with other lucky survivors, what do you do?”

 

Plane jolts.

 

“Take my chances on earth.”

 

“Shut up, no way!”

 

“Who knows, maybe I’d survive and could lead the rest of civilization?”

 

“Pfff, yeah sure.” Lexa laughs at Clarke’s playfulness.

 

“What? It could happen…” Lexa defends, trailing off; not missing the way Clark draws circles on the back of her thumb.

 

“Ok, Commander.”

 

“Commander?”

 

“First thing that came to mind.” Clarke shrugs. “Leave me alone.”

 

Lexa laughed again, she’d never enjoyed a stranger’s company so much.

 

*Bing*

 

_“Attention passengers. The captain has now turned off the fasten seatbelt sign. Passengers are now free to move about the cabin.”_

 

Lexa recognized the drole voice of Ontari. “She’s certainly made for dealing with the public.”

 

“I know, right? Talk about an ice queen.” The pair share another laugh, before Lexa realizes she’s still clenching Clarke’s hand in her own, and quickly releases it.

 

“Sorry.”

 

When she refused to meet Clarke’s eye, the blonde placed her fingers under her chin, lifting her head to force their gaze together. “Lexa, don’t be silly.”

 

And in that moment, that’s exactly what Lexa felt. Silly.

 

Trying to regain some semblance of confidence, Lexa attempted to divert the conversation, “So, are you from Ton DC, or…?”

 

Clarke shook her head, “No, I’m actually from a bit further north, bit of a bum-fuck nowhere town. Arkacadia.”

 

Lexa had never head of it so just nodded.

 

“I’m assuming Ton DC is where you call home?”

 

Lexa nodded again. “Yeah, born and raised. Have you ever been?”

 

Clarke shook her head.

 

“So what brings you there for Christmas?”

 

Clarke’s smile faded slightly, and she averted her gaze to anywhere but Lexa. “Uhm, I’m spending Christmas with my girlfriend and her family.”

 

Lexa was confident disappoint was evident all over her face, and if not, her voice certainly gave her away. “Oh. That’s nice.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Have you been together long?” Lexa wasn’t even sure why she was asking, she didn’t care at all.

 

Clarke began fidgeting with her hands, a habit Lexa had noticed she did quite a bit.

 

“No, not really. Like, three months.”

 

When Lexa didn’t respond, Clarke carried on. “Is it awful to say I was planning on breaking up with her after Christmas, only that my mom changed her plans?”

 

Yes. It was awful. But Lexa was secretly delighted. Deciding it best not to be so obviously thrilled, she settled on, “It’s nice to have someone during the holidays.”

 

Clarke seemed to like that answer.

 

“What about you?”

 

“I’m sorry?” Lexa was still a little too caught up with Clarke having a girlfriend waiting for her at the other side, to be fully present in the conversation.

 

“Do you have someone during the holidays?”

 

“Oh. No, no flying solo this year.”

 

“Well, I’m sure they’ll be lining up around the block to get you for next year.” Lexa looked up to find Clarke meeting her gaze once again, sincerity etched all over her face.

 

“You’re sweet, but I find that doubtful.”

 

“Don’t be silly.” Clarke echoed her earlier self.

 

Lexa was ready to argue but then Ontari’s voice sounded over the intercom yet again, alerting them that they were descending, and would land shortly.

 

Without any prompts or reaction from Lexa, Clarke wordlessly took her hand and held on tight as the plane lowered.

 

Neither woman said a word until they wheels hit the ground, when Lexa offered a whispered “Thank you.” Landing was always the worst part.

 

Clarke gave her hand one last squeeze, before unbuckling her belt, and standing to retrieve her overhead bag.

 

/// 

Lexa lost Clarke after they departed the plane, where she had broken off to use the bathroom.

 

She had hoped she might see the girl at baggage claim, but alas, the blonde beauty was nowhere in sight.

 

With a sigh, the brunette grabbed her bag from the conveyer belt and headed toward the exit.

 

* * *

 

**[Her Majesty, Lexa Woods.]**

 

Those were the first words Lexa saw upon rounding the corner. Her older sister, and younger brother had fashioned an obnoxiously large banner to greet her with.

 

Lexa laughed as she approached them. “You two are such dorks.”

 

“You love it.” Her sister, Anya, pulled her into a tight hug. “It’s good to have you back, kid.”

 

Lexa reciprocated her hug just as tight. She really did love her family.

 

“Woah, who’s this?” She said incredulously, pointing to the blonde teen holding the other end of the sign.

 

“Ha ha, very funny, Lex.”

 

“Seriously, Aden, you’ve grown like 2 feet since I saw you last.”

 

“Guess you should visit more.” Her brother said sincerely as she pulled him into a hug.

 

The trio made their way to Anya’s car, Aden insisting on hauling Lexa’s luggage.

 

“Oh hey, guess who we saw at the airport?” Aded piped up, as they buckled in. Lexa simply raised an eyebrow in inquiry.

 

“Niylah.”

 

“Oh.” Lexa had never been overly enthused about her cousin, Niylah. There was only three days between she and Lexa, and Niylah had copied absolutely everything Lexa did growing up. Lexa was not allowed a single interest to herself without Niylah ultimately deciding she was also devoted to it, so it was no surprise to anyone when Niylah announced her bisexuality the week after Lexa came out as gay.

 

Aden however, loved his cousins, and was clearly excited by the unexpected encounter. “Yeah, she was picking up her new girlfriend. She’s…”

 

“Hot.” Anya cut him off.

 

Lexa really didn’t care about Niylah or her latest conquest. “Good for her.”

* * *

 

 

“Yeah, she seems really cool too. You’ll meet her later at dinner.” Aden continued, oblivious to Lexa’s disinterest.

 

“Oh, Titus, look who has finally chosen to grace us with her presence. “

 

“Yes, parents. The prodigal daughter has returned.” Anya supplied teasingly.

 

“Hi Mom.” Lexa rolled her eyes at her mother’s dramatic greeting.

 

“Ah Lexa, let me look at you.” Her father, Titus, was always tender when it came to Lexa, having no qualms about playing favorites. “You look a little skinny. Are you taking care of yourself?”

 

Again, Lexa rolled her eyes. She was pretty sure they’d get stuck like that before the week was out. “Yes, dad. I’m the exact same weight as when I last saw you.”

 

“Hmmmm.” He seemed doubtful.

 

“Titus, get in here, you’re missing the best part.”

 

“You’ll have to excuse me, Lexa. You’re cousin Roan, is insisting I watch a recording of his latest fight.”

 

“Better you then me.” She said, and she meant it.

 

“Come into the kitchen, Lexa. Everyone’s excited to see you.” Her mother ushered her through the living room where the majority of her male relatives grunted quick hellos, and into the kitchen were most of the remaining guests had congregated.

 

“Lexa, so great to see you.” Her aunt, sounding as insincere as ever, pulled her close to kiss both her cheeks.

 

Lexa patted her back awkwardly in response. “You too, Nia.”

 

“Lexa.” One of her other cousins greeted curtly, not bothering to move and feign affection.

 

“Luna.”

 

“Oh my god, Lexa, look at you. You look fantastic.” Unfortunately, Lexa noted, not all her cousins were so aloof. “Have you put on a few pounds?

 

“Good to see you too, Niylah.”

 

“Come on, you must meet my new girlfriend.” Niylah insisted, tugging Lexa by the arm and into the dining area where more relatives had gathered.

 

“Babe, babe.” Niylah tapped her girlfriend on the shoulder. “This is the cousin I was telling you about, the journalist from Polis.”

 

“Junior editor.” Lexa corrected.

 

If Niylah heard, she dismissed the correction. “Lexa, this is Clarke.”

 

Lexa’s attention immediately snapped to the girl who had since turned around, and who Lexa was relieved to see looked equally like a deer caught in headlights.

 

Both girls just stared at each other in surprise before Clarke broke the awkward silence.

 

“Actually, we’ve met.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to post this yesterday, but 'tis the season to make merry and I got distracted by festivities.
> 
> Happy Christmas Eve! 
> 
> Thanks for reading!!

“You two know each other?” Lexa’s aunt, Nia, came sauntering into the room, large glass of wine in hand, clearly thrilled at the prospect of potential drama.

 

Niylah was looking between the pair, torn between concerns of a possible past between the girls, and delighted at the idea of getting something that may have once belonged to, and cherished by her cousin.

 

“No.” Clarke was surprised at Lexa’s denial, but the brunette was quick to correct herself. “Not exactly. We met on the plane. Clarke was in my seat.”

 

Clarke smiled at the memory, offering one of her own, “I also stole her coffee, well, attempted to, Lexa here was chivalrous enough to insist I take it anyway though.”

 

“That’s our Lexa for you, ever the knight in shining armor.” Anya teased, throwing an arm around her sister.

 

Clarke gave Lexa a not-so-subtle once over, a small smirk, poorly hidden behind her glass of eggnog, gracing her lips. “I bet she is.”

 

Lexa felt her cheeks redden at the attention and quickly cleared her throat, removing herself from her sister’s grasp and announced a little too loudly that she was going to grab a drink, before escaping to the kitchen.

* * *

 

 Christmas at the Woods’ residence had always been a bit of a spectacle. It was her mother’s favorite holiday, and she always made a determined effort to out-do herself. Each year, the tree seemed to get grander, the lights that surrounded the outside of the house brighter, bigger bows, ribbons, and garlands covered every available surface, with life sized Santas, snow men, and toy soldiers forming something of a guard of honor in the foyer; this year, a rather elaborate and expensive train set had been placed beneath the Christmas tree in the main living room, and the amount of food that sat on every kitchen counter was enough to feed a small village. Lexa loved all of it growing up.

Her parents were both successful in their respective fields, but with success came busy schedules and the large house they lived in often felt a little too big for Lexa as child. With her parents out at work or away on business trips, she couldn’t help but feel a little lost in it with just Anya and Aden for company. She much preferred it at Christmas, full to the brim with extended family, and with decorations that made the large space feel much more home-y.

 

But for the first time in as long as she could remember, the house felt a little too claustrophobic. She watched Aden mingle with their relatives just as she had done at his age, enthusiastically, and with sincere interest. As she had grown older though, she began to see through the false niceties and learned the secrets that her parents had kept from her as a child. She finally saw people’s true colors, and while she still enjoyed most of them, those who were genuinely nice, caring people, she was more than aware that there were a few whose inquisitiveness about her life had little to do with actually caring, or wanting to know about her well being, but more to do with gossip they could sink their teeth into once her back was turned.

 

Not to mention, with Clarke now also being present and shooting her heartbreakingly beautiful smiles every time their eyes met, she felt like she had more room to breath back at Polis Airport.

 

“So what’s the deal with you two?” Her sister craned her neck so only Lexa could hear the question, leaning back against the counter.

 

“What?” Lexa hadn’t realized she’d been staring at the blonde who sat at the kitchen table with Niylah and some of their younger cousins, decorating gingerbread houses, until her sister’s words shot her back into the present.

 

“You, and Niylah’s chick? You expect me to believe you two only met this morning? You could cut the sexual tension between you with a knife.”

 

“What the- Anya, keep it down.” Lexa cast a quick glance around the kitchen for any prying ears. Her sister seemed amused by this response, though didn’t look remotely surprised. “It’s like she said earlier, we encountered each other when she went to grab my coffee at the airport, and then we sat next to each other on the plane. Simple as.”

“Well that’s not remotely interesting. You dig her at least, right?” Anya waggled her eyebrows comically.

 

This managed to pull a chuckle from Lexa who elbowed her sister in the gut lightly, “Shut up.”

 

“That’s confirmation enough for me” Anya raised her wine glass, “To forbidden Christmas crushes.”

 

Lexa shook her head but clinked her glass with Anya’s. “You’re an idiot.”

 

“S’good to have you back, sis.” Anya patted her sister on the back before parting to go grab another plate of food.

 

* * *

 

 

A little later, after the sun had set, and the crowd had grown considerably merrier from the free flowing alcohol, the glow from the Christmas tree had become more enticing to Lexa and she found herself drawn toward it, examining the various baubles and decorations that hung from it’s branches. Some, Lexa knew, were obnoxiously expensive, while others were handmade, school art projects created by Lexa and her siblings, and she couldn’t help the smile that spread wide on her face that these ornaments still found purchase on the tree her mother held such pride in.

 

“Talk about serendipity, eh?”

 

Lexa jumped at the unexpected intrusion.

 

Looking away from the tree, she saw Clarke leaning against the doorframe, the glow from the Christmas lights in the foyer creating a halo around her.

 

“Is it?” At Clarke’s inquisitive look, she elaborated. “Serendipity?”

 

Clarke took this as her queue to move closer, now certain not to spook the clearly on-edge brunette. She took a moment to toy with one of the baubles hanging from the tree. “I think so. We bump into each other twice on Christmas Eve, hit it off, I tell you my sad, lonely Christmas sob story, and end up at your house. Seems like a Christmas miracle to me.”

 

Lexa found it difficult to gauge which part of this was a “happy” coincidence. Sure, maybe if Clarke wasn’t dating her cousin, she would agree with the blonde, but given the circumstance, she begged to differ.

 

“Listen, Lexa.” Clarke’s tone lost its playfulness, and she turned to Lexa, expression now the most serious she had yet seen it. “What I said earlier, about wanting to break up with Niylah, I’m sorry. Obviously I had no idea you two were… well, it doesn’t matter. It was a pretty shitty thing to say, and I’m just, sorry.” She shrugged.

 

Lexa shook her head. “Don’t be.” She found herself echoing her earlier words. The blonde really needed to stop being so sorry. Lexa actually found her honesty refreshing. “Between you and me, Niylah can be a little… much.”

 

She didn’t know if she was overstepping, but she took Clarke’s tight lipped smile and exaggerated wide eyes to mean she knew exactly what she meant.

 

The pair erupted in laughter, and Lexa really didn’t think she’d ever tire of hearing Clarke laugh. “So, are you coming to the bar?”

 

“Bar?”

 

“Yeah, usually on Christmas Eve, all the cousins, the ones legal to drink, go to this crappy bar in town to escape the clean up.” Lexa explained, nodding her head towards the kitchen.

 

“Oh, I mean, I’d like to but…” Clarke seemed hesitant.

 

“Don’t worry,” Lexa offered a mirthless smile, “Niylah wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

 

* * *

 

 

The Drop Ship hadn’t changed a single bit since Lexa had last stepped foot in there two years ago. It was still just as poorly lit, with a smell, not exactly bad but not good, that she could never quite place, and her arms still got sticky from where she leaned them against the bar.

 

They found a booth easily, it was always quiet there on Christmas Eve, it was quiet most of the time, as Lexa had told Clarke, it was kind of a shithole. The only reason they had started coming here in the first place was because they didn’t card, which came in handy when they were underage.

 

“This place is… nice.” Clarke offered politely, looking at her surroundings.

 

“It’s a dump.” Roan stated plainly. “Call a spade a spade Clarke.”

 

The table laughed and joined in in agreement that the place was gross.

 

“So, you guys come here every year?”

 

“Sure do, babe.” Niylah pushed in closer to Clarke, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and using her fingers to play with her girlfriend’s hair. “Lexa missed it last year because she was in London with her girlfriend, and we’re down one more this year because he’s spending Christmas with his new girlfriend, but he’ll meet us at the cabin next week. The rest of us have never missed a year”

 

Clarke seemed to perk up when Niylah mentioned how Lexa had spent last Christmas.

 

“You have a girlfriend?” she asked, uninterested in the rest of the information Niylah had supplied.

 

Lexa assumed this interested her as Lexa had previously told her she didn’t have someone for Christmas.

 

“Had. We broke up.”

 

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Clarke gave Lexa a sympathetic stare, something she usually loathed, but relished any and all attention from the blonde.

 

“Yeah, didn’t she like, cheat on you or something?”

 

“ _Niylah_.” Anya snarled from beside her sister.

 

Lexa, used to Niylah’s shit stirring, ignored her cousin, addressing Clarke instead. “Thank you, but it’s fine. I’m over her, so just, happy to spend the holidays around family.”

 

She rolled her eyes at the word ‘family’ which seemed to go unnoticed by the others, but made Clarke laugh.

 

The drinks flowed and after the three rounds of shots Anya and Roan had insisted upon, everyone at the table was considerably buzzed, even Lexa’s usually quiet, broody cousin, Luna, seemed to have loosened up and if Lexa looked close enough, could swear she saw a tiny smile forming on her lips.

 

 

Anya and Roan had taken to the pool tables at the back of the bar with a few other cousins, Luna was talking in hushed tones with her boyfriend, who Lexa had already forgotten the name of, and Clarke and Niylah were on the dance floor bouncing enthusiastically along to ‘Last Christmas’.

 

Meanwhile, Lexa sat in the booth, nursing her drink and trying to push down the jealousy she felt every time Niylah pulled Clarke closer..

 

Over the course of the evening, Lexa had become rather enamored by the blonde. Sure, she had been initially attracted to her on their first meeting, and the more time she spent with her on the plane certainly heightened her intrigue, but after getting to know her more, she found herself completely hooked.

 

She enjoyed learning about Clarke, like how she was a bio med major, but her real passion was art, or how she had failed her driving test hilariously three times, or how she adored Stevie Nicks because her dad had played her music non-stop growing up. Lexa wasn’t just drawn to Clarke physically, but now found herself drawn to her spirit as well.

 

* * *

 

 

“Are you always this much fun at parties?”

 

For the second time that evening, Clarke had snuck up on Lexa, pulling her from her thoughts.

 

“This isn’t a party.”

 

The blonde gave her a playful push. “You know what I mean.”

 

“It’s just been a long day is all.” Lexa scanned the dance floor which was now unoccupied. “Where’s Niylah?”

 

“Oh, she bumped into an old friend at the bar.” Clarke gestured with her thumb over her shoulder. “Besides, I’d rather be talking to you.”

 

“You would?” Clarke laughed at the dopey grin that had found purchase on Lexa’s lips.

 

“Yes, you nerd. I happen to find you a very good conversationalist.”

 

“Thanks.” Lexa smiled into her drink, unable to meet Clarke’s gaze.

 

“You’re pretty easy on the eyes too.” Clarke used her body to nudge Lexa this time, swaying into her.

 

This was successful in getting Lexa to look up from her drink and meet Clarke’s eyes.

 

“Oh come on, Lexa. Learn to take a compliment.” She laughed.

 

Lexa couldn’t tell if the girl was just stating a fact, some girls were very comfortable in letting other girls know how attractive they were, or if she was flirting. Lexa didn’t dare test the waters on it, she may not be Niylah’s biggest fan, but family was family.

 

“Are you looking forward to Christmas?” Lexa shifted the conversation into safer territory.

 

Clarke shrugged. “Not particularly. I haven’t really enjoyed Christmas since I was a teenager. Just another day.”

 

The brunette was sad for her. She was as closed off and cynical as the next person, but even she loved Christmas. It seemed crazy to her that anyone would view it as ‘just another day’.

 

“How can you not like Christmas?” It wasn’t said incredulously, more with genuine inquiry.

 

Again, Clarke just shrugged. “I dunno. I don’t have a big family, hell the family I do have barely act like a family at all, I just don’t get that Christmas-y feeling.”

 

This confused Lexa somewhat. Clarke had spent much of the evening talking about fond memories with her father, and yet here she was, acting like her family hardly liked each other.

 

Reading Lexa’s expression, the blonde continued before she could be probed on the topic further. “I can understand why not liking Christmas would be hard for someone like you to grasp. Your house is like something from a Christmas movie. It’s pretty intimidating to be honest.”

 

“My house?”

 

“Just, the whole thing, your house, your mom, the whole family. It’s intimidating, but I like it. For what it’s worth, this is the most Christmas-y Christmas I’ve had in years.”

 

Lexa gave her a warm smile. “I’m glad.”

 

Clarke mirrored her expression, taking her hand, and gave it a gentle squeeze. Lexa relished the familiar warmth, and softness of Clarke’s hand in hers. “I’m really glad I met you, Lexa.”

 

Before the brunette could respond, Anya came bustling over, startling her sister, who dropped Clarke’s hand immediately; she didn’t miss the slight deflation of the other girl as she did so.

 

“Come on, we’re heading out. Gotta get to bed or Santa won’t come.” Anya winked, leaving the girls to follow behind.

 

* * *

 

 

The group made their way back to Lexa’s house, the rest of the family had already retired to bed, so the cousins snuck quietly up the stairs. Lexa’s mother must have handed out room assignments before she’d arrived that afternoon, as everyone seemed to know where they were going, even Clarke, who offered her a shy smile from the doorway as she entered the room next to Lexa’s childhood bedroom.

 

Safe in the sanctity of the familiar space, Lexa threw herself on the bed and groaned into her pillow. Why did this have to happen? Why couldn’t she have met Clark two months from now, when she’d have likely broken up with Niylah, and Lexa could justify asking her out by claiming to not have known she was her cousin’s ex? Why did the universe thrust this perfect creature in her path if she couldn’t have her? What kind of cruel karma was this?

 

Lexa composed herself, whispering a small pep talk to herself. “Get a grip, she’s your cousin’s girlfriend. Off limits.”

 / 

 

She changed, and made her way to the bathroom across the hall, pausing when she realized Clarke was already occupying it.

  
“Oh, sorry. I can wait until you’re done.”

 

“Don’t be silly, come in, I’m sure we’ll both fit.” Clarke laughed, spreading toothpaste on her toothbrush and holding it out to Lexa so she could do the same for her.

 

Lexa relaxed, taking a step inside and presented her toothbrush to Clarke.

 

They brushed their teeth in silence, smiling around the brushes at each other in the mirror. Lexa couldn’t help but note how pretty Clarke was, even with a mouth full of menthol foam.

 

Both girls finished at the same time, Clarke spitting her toothpaste out first. When they stood tall again, Clarke gave Lexa a look she couldn’t quite decipher before leaning up on her toes to plant a kiss on the brunette’s cheek, that same shy smile on her face as she pulled away.

 

“Goodnight, Lexa.”

 

Lexa stood motionless, stunned; staring at herself in the mirror she lifted a hand to the cheek that tingled from where Clarke’s lips had just been and whispered after the girl who had since retired to her room.

 

“Goodnight, Clarke.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had intended on updating much sooner than I did but due to various, unexpected life happenings, that didn't work out as planned.
> 
> I didn't take much time to work on this chapter so I'm hoping it's not too thrown together.
> 
> Thanks for reading!

Lexa had almost forgotten the pandemonium that was her family home on Christmas morning, as though her mind had somehow convinced itself to downplay it in her absence.

 

The previous night should have offered as a reminder, however, as she stepped through the archway into the kitchen to be faced with the complete unrestrained disorder that was her mother and aunts preparing a breakfast feast fit for an entire village, young cousins chasing each other through the house brandishing their new toys, and the general uproar of people trying to speak over each other to be heard, Lexa still managed to feel overwhelmed.

 

Offering a polite smile to her cousin, Tristan, who was enthusiastically trying to show her how far he’d gotten on his new video game, Lexa quietly pushed through the chaos, grabbing a cup of coffee, and managing to escape to the solitude of the back yard relatively undetected.

 

As she took a seat on the small wooden bench situated under the large oak tree towards the back of the yard, Lexa smiled to herself, clutching her cardigan tighter against her body, sipping the hot liquid from her favorite mug, as she looked back at the house. The hustle and bustle of movement was still visible to her through the large kitchen windows, but the sound of loud chatter, and clanking kitchen equipment was nothing more than a dull buzz from so far away.

 

She closed her eyes, enjoying the almost-quiet, and the crisp, cold air. For the first time since arriving home, she finally felt like she could breath.

 

“Trying to hide out from the madness too, huh?”

 

Lexa jumped, just barely managing not to spill the scalding coffee all over her lap.

 

“Jesus Chri- “ She glanced up to find Clarke shuffling awkwardly, visibly torn between wanting to laugh, and looking apologetic. “You certainly make a habit of sneaking up on people, you know.”

 

Lexa placed her mug safely on the ground next to the bench, gesturing to the empty space beside her in invitation.

 

Clarke smiled warmly, nudging her shoulder into Lexa’s when she sat down. “Maybe you should learn to be more alert.”

 

Lexa laughed. “Yeah. Maybe.”

 

Picking up her mug again, she took a sizable gulp, grateful to have something to do with her hands and mouth to avoid embarrassing herself in front of the blonde.

 

“Happy Christmas, by the way.”

 

“Happy Christmas, Clarke.”

 

“Get anything good?”

 

“I don’t know. I haven’t opened my gifts yet.”

 

“Why doesn’t it surprise me in the least that you’re one of _those_ people?” Clarke laughed, elaborating when Lexa’s raised eyebrow prompted her too. “You know, those kids who patiently wait to open gifts, and do other boring things before ripping into their presents. I certainly wasn’t that kind of child.”

 

“That doesn’t surprise me either.” Lexa tried to hide her smirk behind her mug but Clarke saw it anyway and gave her a gentle push. “What about you?”

 

“Eh, Niylah gave me some not-so-safe-for-family-eyes gifts.”

 

“Oh.”

 

Lexa didn’t really know what else to say. She definitely didn’t want Clarke to elaborate on what the gifts had been. The last thing she needed was a mental image of her cousin and Clarke getting it on, and certainly didn’t need to enhance the unwanted visualization with props.

 

“Yep. Not exactly my ideal Christmas gifts, but I guess we don’t know each other that well.”

 

Lexa was happy with this tidbit of information but tried to keep her tone neutral when she pressed on. “That certainly doesn’t help with already present pressure of buying gifts. What did you get her?”

 

Clarke seemed to tense at this, avoiding Lexa’s gaze, instead focusing on her fidgeting fingers. “I uhm… I actually made her something… a painting.”

 

“You paint?”

 

“I fancy myself as something of an artist in my spare time.” Clarke shrugged like it was no big deal, but the look in her eyes told a different story.

 

“I’m sure you’re a wonderful artist. I’d really love to see your work some time.” Clarke gave her a grateful smile, but when she didn’t say anything, Lexa thought it best to change the subject. “And, in your not-spare-time, what do you do?”

 

“Well, by day, I’m a med-student, but I moonlight as a bartender. That’s actually how I met Niylah. How about you? Niylah bigged you up as a hot shot journalist, but you mentioned last night you’re an editor?”

 

“ _Junior_ editor.” Lexa corrected. “At a book publishing house. She’s not entirely wrong though, I _was_ editor of the school paper.” She half smiled at the memory. “I lack the curiosity of a journalist, but fortunately, I excel at criticizing the work of others.”

 

It’s said as a joke, but not one meant to be particularly humorous. Clarke is polite enough to smile anyway.

 

“It’s hard to imagine Niylah big-ing me up in any regard.” Lexa laughs mirthlessly, remembering Clarke’s words.

 

“On the contrary, she speaks very highly of you. Not that I can blame her, I’ve only known you 24 hours and I can already tell you’re pretty remarkable.”

 

Clarke’s gaze is firm and focused on Lexa as she speaks the words with uninhibited honesty.

 

Lexa has never wanted to kiss anyone as much as she wanted to kiss Clarke in that moment. The blonde looked positively stunning with her hair still ruffled from slumber, her cheeks rosy from the cold air; her eyes a little glassy from the sharp breeze, were inviting enough to make Lexa never want to look away.

 

Ludicrous thoughts flashed through her mind – would it be so bad to tell her she found _her_ remarkable, beautiful, majestic, other worldly? Would it be so bad, if Clarke wanted to break up with Niylah anyway, to tell her she was interested? That she would wait for her if Clarke wanted her to?

 

Lexa realized these were ludicrous notions, because she had only met this woman a day ago, for all she knew, they could be totally incompatible, but she couldn’t help but feel that this would be the real lie, for she had never before felt such an instant and intense connection with someone. Not even with Costia.

 

_Be brave._

 

Familiar words echoed in her mind from a time almost forgotten.

 

“Clarke, I-“

 

“BREAKFAST’S READY!” Anya called from the sliding kitchen doors, breaking the spell that had fallen over the girls.

 

Lexa nodded in her direction and stood to make her way inside.

Before she could move further away, Clarke grabbed her by the wrist, urging her to turn back to her. She looked up, still sat on the bench, expression vulnerable, with a hint of hopefulness. Or at least that’s what it looked like to Lexa, but she wasn’t best known for her abilities to read people. “What were you going to say?”

 

For just a moment, Lexa considered telling the truth. But that impulse was fleeting. Instead, she schooled her expression into something more neutral, less exposed,

 

“Oh, I was, uh, just going to say I was cold, and that maybe we should head inside.”

 

Lexa didn’t miss the way Clarke’s shoulders deflated slightly, the way her own expression hardened at the poorly masked lie.

 

“Yeah. We should.” Clarke nodded, releasing Lexa from her grasp; she walked swiftly towards the house, not waiting for the brunette to catch up.

 

* * *

 

 

“That looked cozy.” Anya smirked as she set her plate down next to Lexa’s.

 

“Leave it alone, Anya.” Lexa’s curt tone and clenched teeth were enough to let her sister know now was not the time.

 

Anya cast a glance further down the table to where Clarke was sitting, Niylah whispering something in her ear with a mischievous grin. Clarke for her part didn’t look at all interested in her girlfriend’s sweet-nothings, pushing her food aimlessly around her plate.

 

When she looked back to her sister, she noticed she had followed her gaze, a hint of guilt glistening in her eyes.

 

“Seriously, Lex, what’s the deal with you two? Is something going on?”

 

She said it quiet enough that Lexa was certain no one else had heard but she looked nervously around her nonetheless.

 

She sighed. “There’s nothing going on, Anya. Please. Just leave it, ok?”

 

“Ok, ok. But you can talk to me, you know? You don’t have to keep everything bottled up all the time. It’s not healthy. We’re sisters. It’s literally in my job description to listen to you whine and pine.”

 

This managed to pull a smile from Lexa.

 

“I know. There’s just nothing to talk about.”

 

Anya looked unconvinced, but resigned herself that her sister wouldn’t budge on this.

 

“Ok, but just, don’t go into a dark place, yeah?”

 

Lexa nodded, eyes trained on her food. “That won’t happen again, I promise.”

 

And with that the conversation was dropped, just in time for the remainder of their family to take their seats and resume the contest of who could speak loudest to be heard.

 

For once, Lexa was thankful for the distraction of aimless chatter.

 

She chanced a few glances at Clarke throughout breakfast and was glad to see that she seemed to have relaxed back into her cheery self, laughing raucously at some story Aden was telling her.

 ***

Lexa was a realist first and foremost. She didn’t believe in love at first sight. And she no longer allowed herself to believe in happy ever afters. But she couldn’t deny that Clarke was special, and under other circumstances, maybe she could allow herself to believe in the magic of fate, believe that they were brought together to reverse Lexa’s cynical views on love. The realist in her didn’t allow her to ponder this thought for very long.

 ***

* * *

 

Lexa looked up from the book she was reading when she heard a light tapping on her bedroom door.

 

“Come in.”

 

The door pushed open, revealing the girl that had consumed Lexa’s every thought for the past 24 hours. She had changed back into her Christmas pajamas after dinner, citing her food baby as an excuse. Not that she needed one, pretty much everyone followed suit in doing the same.

 

Lexa was surprised to see her there though; she sat up straighter in bed, waiting for Clarke to move, or say something. What she did eventually say was not what she had expected.

 

“Business, or pleasure?”

 

“I beg your pardon?”

 

Lexa was certain her eyebrows had risen comically high, and if Clarke’s laughter was anything to go by, she was probably right.

 

Clarke closed the door out, not all the way, and moved closer to Lexa, sitting on the edge of her bed, she nodded towards the object in the other woman’s hands.

 

“The book. Is it for work?”

 

Lexa looked down, heartbeat slowing in understanding.

 

“Oh, no, this is just for fun.”

 

“You like to hide yourself away a lot, huh?”

 

Lexa shrugged.

 

“I guess I’m just used to being on my own. My family can be a little overbearing, they mean well, but I’d never make it through the holidays without a little reprieve.”

 

Clarke nodded in understanding. “I can get that. Anya said you’d become a bit of a hermit.”

 

Lexa may have been angry with her sister was it not for Clarke’s teasing smile.

 

“Anya talks too much.”

 

“I think she’s great.” Clarke’s smile faded and her expression grew serious, similar to how it had the previous night by the Christmas tree.

 

“Listen, I just wanted to apologize for this morning, if I was, I dunno, well, cool, towards you. I’m not really sure what came over me, and I’m kind of embarrassed about it.”

 

“Don’t be. It’s already forgotten.”

 

Clarke nodded again, though Lexa was acutely aware that her words had done nothing to relieve the tension between them. She pushed back further on the bed, placing her book on the bedside table before offering Clarke her full attention.

 

“So, how are you enjoying your first Wood’s family Christmas?”

 

The change in topic seemed to do the trick in bringing Clarke around.

 

The girl seemed to have a wonderful talent for switching her moods like a switch. Lexa sort of envied it. She was like ice, once she was in a particular headspace, it took her a while to thaw out before she could change to a new emotion.

 

“Honestly? I’m loving every second of it. I wish my family were more like this.”

 

“’More like this’ being complete and utter unrestrained chaos?” Lexa laughed, and Clarke did too but agreed.

 

“Exactly! Your family is so full of life, the energy here is so vibrant, and everybody is just so, gosh I don’t even know how to describe it, like every person has such a strong personality and everyone’s personalities are so varied. In any other circumstance mixing people like this together would result in war, but here it just makes so much sense. I love it. I’ve really been made feel comfortable and at home. Like I’m one of their own.”

 

Lexa watched the blonde light up as she talked animatedly about her family; it filled her with a sense of warmth, and a little regret that she so often took them for granted. Hearing someone else describe them like this, loving them despite their flaws, really made her feel lucky for what she had, especially knowing that Clarke herself didn’t have it with her own family.

 

“Yeah,” she smiled fondly, “I guess in their own way they really are a band of loveable misfits.”

 

“Hey,” Clarke nudged at Lexa’s knee with her hand. “You’re one of them too you know.”

 

This caused the brunette’s grin to spread even further. She maintained eye contact with Clarke as she said, “Now, you are too.”

 

Clarke’s grin matched her own, but Lexa was certain that the blonde’s shone ten times brighter.

 

Clarke’s eyes seem to catch on something over Lexa’s left shoulder. She followed her gaze, eyes settling on a picture of herself, large fluffy scarf wrapped around her neck, a woolen hat with an obnoxiously large bauble on the top nestled securely on her head as she poked it out from one of those red phone boxes, Big Ben situated in the background. It was a typical tourist photo, and not one that she had placed there in that frame.

 

“My mom must have put that there.” She spoke absently, remembering with alarming clarity the day that was taken. “She must have pulled the photo from Facebook or something. I hadn’t even noticed it until just now.”

 

She looked away from the image and back to Clarke. “I must have a word with her about interfering with my room.”

  
Clarke smiled.

 

“I’d love to go to London. I’ve never been to Europe.”

 

“You should. London’s a lovely city.”

 

“Have you been much?”

 

“No, just the once.” Lexa’s eyes drifted down to her hands, she suddenly wished she hadn’t discarded her book, for want of something to occupy them with. “Last Christmas.”

 

Realization seemed to dawn on Clarke who immediately scrambled to apologize. “Oh my god, Lex, I’m so sorry. Shit, I didn’t even think.”

 

“No. No, it’s ok.” Lexa looked up, assuring Clarke that she hadn’t overstepped some invisible boundary. “Really. And stop apologizing so much.”

 

Clarke chuckled at that.

 

“Force of habit.” She shrugged. “For what it’s worth. She was clearly crazy.”

 

“Who was?” Lexa’s brow scrunched together in confusion.

 

“Your ex.” Clarke clarified. “For cheating on you. Anyone who was lucky enough to have someone like you love them, is definitely certifiably insane to throw that gift away.”

 

Lexa blushed at the words, feeling undeserving of them. Clarke’s cheeks reddened too once what she had said caught up with her, though she made no attempt to backtrack.

 

“It wasn’t quite like that.”

 

“No?” It was Clarke’s turn to be confused.

 

Lexa couldn’t help but find it adorable, and felt herself swooning further over the perplexed blonde.

 

“Niylah likes to dramatize.”

 

Clarke snorted and Lexa was certain she heard a whispered ‘understatement’ but it was said too quietly to properly discern. “Costia, my ex, she was, emotionally unavailable, to say the least.”

 

Clarke didn’t speak when Lexa paused; she simply waited like a child being told a fascinating secret.

 

“She hadn’t always been that way. At the beginning she was anything but, in fact. Always organizing cute, unique dates, bringing me thoughtful gifts, calling to say she just wanted to hear my voice.” Lexa gave a sad smile at the memory. “But as time wore on, she began pulling away, throwing herself into work, I could see and feel it happening, us growing apart, but I didn’t want to accept it. I tried to convince myself that relationships just go that way, that the shiny excitement of the beginning is expected to fade, that that magic can’t maintain. I won’t lie I was disappointed.

 

I had never really opened myself up to the prospect of love before; it felt foolish to me when I was still trying to figure out what I wanted from life, to try to maneuver through it with someone else. But Costia made me feel safe to fall, and so I made the jump, all in without a parachute, believing she would be there to catch me at the other end.

 

I guess maybe things started to move faster than she was comfortable with. Feelings grew too intense at a spectacular speed. Even I found it hard to keep up sometimes. I don’t believe she ever actively set out to hurt me; she wasn’t mean or malicious like that.

 

She’s from London, and I always knew she missed it. We’d often spoken lightly of possibly moving there one day. It was never said seriously, but I could sense that there was a hint of sincerity and hope in those conversations. She’d had an old friend from London that she had reconnected with on a trip home shortly after we had visited for Christmas. She never hid it from me that they were in contact, I even encouraged it, hoping that that connection to home might stifle her longing to return just a little longer, until we could figure _us_ out, and settle into the shift our relationship had taken from fun and light, to serious and heavy. She’d often stay up late to FaceTime her, and they’d text continuously.

 

I _knew_ they were only friends. I trusted Costia completely. She wasn’t the cheating type. But still, I grew jealous of their friendship. How Costia would laugh at something she had said, while I could not shift the bad mood she’d returned from work in, this person seemed capable of doing it so easily. She’d show me a funny video that her friend had sent, but I’d fail to see the humor in it at all, and could feel her disappointment invade the space like another person as it continued to dawn on her that we had become so different.

 

We started picking fights with one another. I’d bitch about how much time she spent focusing on her friend, and not enough time focusing on me, that while she was there, she was rarely present. She’d argue that I wasn’t making an effort to support her with work, that she felt that I was constantly asking something of her she couldn’t give me, as much as she wanted to.

 

In the end, we realized that these feelings between us had suffocated us, grown too quickly for two people who weren’t ready to take on the severity of what feeling like that would mean, too selfish to try to adjust for one another. We never quite figured out how to live our own lives with one another.”

 

Clarke had moved so that both her feet were now tucked under one another on Lexa’s bed, she had leaned forward subconsciously, immersing herself in her tale of woe.

 

“And what happened?”

 

Lexa shrugged, her expression nothing more than one of sad acceptance.

 

“We broke up. She moved back to London. We don’t stay in touch.”

 

“And the other girl, did they-?” Clarke didn’t wanted to open any wounds, or pour salt on any still exposed ones, but she was curious by nature and the words had escaped her before she really had time to consider them.

 

“No. They’re still just friends. I suppose when you care deeply for someone, and see them behave towards someone else, the way you believe they should be reserving only for you, it can make you a little crazy. But in hindsight, our relationship was in a bad place long before their friendship blossomed. We were cracked and we just kept duct taping over those cracks in the hope that we could eventually regain solid footing. Overthinking, and insecurities just got the better of us in the end.

 

Buuut of course my family only like to focus on the one aspect of the whole thing, which was that Costia was talking to another girl, which they’ve concluded was emotional cheating, and they’re sticking to that.”

 

“Well, they’re your family. It’s essentially their life’s cause to vilify your exes. Pretty sure it’s the law.”

 

Lexa laughed at how alike Clarke’s words were to something Anya would say, which only served to increase her fondness for the girl opposite her.

 

“God, I’m sorry.” Lexa squeezed her knuckles into her tightly shut eyes. “Look at me, bringing a big downer on Christmas day with my pathetic failed love story.”

 

“Lexa, stop.” Clarke pulled at Lexa’s wrists until she lowered them, and opened her eyes. “I’m really glad you shared that with me. We all have our scars. I like getting to know you.

 

“Me too.”

 

Clarke beamed at her like she’d just said exactly the right thing, which is unusual for Lexa who always managed to say nothing but the wrong things.

 

“I better get back downstairs, I promised your brother I’d be on his team for Pictionary. You can be on our team too if you want?”

 

“Are you kidding me? A chance to see your art in action, I wouldn’t miss it.” Lexa responded with enthusiasm that surprised even herself. “Besides, I’ll take any and all opportunities to kick Anya’s ass at something.”

 

“Great. See you down there.” Clarke said with a bright smile, moving towards the door.

 

She paused; hand on the doorframe, as she turned to look back over her shoulder, “Hey Lexa?”

 

The brunette looked up from where she had begun rifling through her drawer for a pair of fuzzy socks. “Yeah?”

 

“Don’t be afraid.” Clarke recognized the cute pull of Lexa’s brow, and small frown, which meant she was once again lost as to what Clarke was talking about. “To fall. I’ve only known you for a short time, but I can tell you’re strong. Your knees may be bruised and your hands may have cuts from the harsh landing, but you _will_ meet someone that will make you want to leap again, and the right person will be there to catch you, and kiss those wounds better.”

 

Lexa felt her throat tighten at Clarke’s words. She tried to push back the tears that threatened to spill out of her stinging eyes. She tried, unconvincingly, to mask her emotion through a wet laugh.

 

“You sure you’re a painter and not a poet, Clarke?”

 

Clarke just gave her a kind smile in return.

 

“See you downstairs, Lex. And bring you’re A-game.”

 

With a playful wink, she was gone.


End file.
